Farmgirls Never Underestimate the Power of Friends!

I value my friends. Every one of them. It doesn’t matter if we lost touch because one of us moved. It doesn’t matter if we had a falling out at some point and no longer communicate. It doesn’t matter what they look like, what they do for a living, their size or shape, what clothes they wear, how many children they have or don’t have, what foods they eat or don’t eat, how they wear their hair or what color it is, how old or young they are, if they are city girls or country girls. I value them all because they are all unique and special….every single one of them. They all have different strengths and weaknesses. Some of them help me, I help some of them and some of us help each other. They are my friends and I love them.

I cannot understand then why so many women are downright hateful to other women. Sometimes the aggression is very obvious. The blatant disregard that the woman under attack is a human being and worthy of civility at the very least. You know what I’m talking about; the silent treatment that goes on for months, demeaning comments, extreme criticism, hostility, nastiness, accusations, refusal to seek resolution. Sometimes the aggression is veiled and passive aggressive. Withholding kind words, fake “concern” that is really a veiled criticism, holding a person at arm’s length, spreading rumors, gossip, sugary sweet “compliments” that you can tell are lies, refusing to reciprocate kindness and friendship. Honestly I don’t know which is worse. I’ve been on the receiving end of both and they both hurt like hell. I don’t expect to like or connect with every person I meet and I don’t expect every person to like or connect with me. But I DO expect to be treated with r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

Two women in my life are currently causing me tremendous stress. One is a woman at work who is taking the obvious aggressive route. Another is a woman who has for the past 6 years chosen the veiled aggression route. I cannot remove either one of them from my life. Both lay 100% of the blame at my feet and I can’t for the life of me understand what I have done wrong. If I did I would make it right, but I don’t understand and they won’t tell me. I have scoured the internet and read way too many books trying to find out why they would be so angry and so unwilling to forgive. I’m willing. I’ve reached out to both of them and both of them have responded with attacks on not only my character, but my physical appearance!

My research has led me to one thing that seems to tear women apart and put us at each other’s throats. Jealousy. Insecurity. Envy. Competition. When you boil them down, they are really the same thing. One thing I have learned in my life, women can hurt me more than any man ever could.

My dear sisters...why must we tear each other down? We should be building each other up! We ALL hurt. We ALL feel insecure. We ALL feel envy and jealousy. We do NOT need to compete with each other. We may not face the same issues in life, but we all face issues. When you look at the woman next door or in the next cube or at your friend or the new member of your family, you don’t know what troubles she is facing. You don’t know how painful her past or present is. Maybe she is being abused at home, maybe her husband is having an affair, maybe she is facing financial troubles, maybe she lost a child or cannot have them, maybe she doesn’t have any family and is lonely, maybe she is suffering with a health issue, maybe her children are suffering a health issue, maybe she is caring for aging parents, maybe someone she loves is an alcoholic, maybe there is a homeless issue or a recent death. Maybe her life really is perfect (very doubtful since nothing is ever perfect). The point is you don’t know because you are not in her shoes. So what good does it do to compare her life to yours? When are we going to learn that we are ALL special, unique, talented, needed, wanted, valued, strong, weak, wounded and needing of something? We all have flaws and things we don't like about ourselves. These things are no reason to attack our sisters because they have them too.

My promise to all the women out there is that I will not judge you. If I hurt you I didn’t mean to. If we have conflict I will seek resolution. If you hurt me I will give you the benefit of the doubt before deciding you are a terrible person. I will speak truth but with care. If you hurt me repeatedly and refuse to have a relationship with me I will respect your feelings and I will be gentle with you in my mind and heart (not an easy thing to do, but do-able!). I will know that we are not all the same. I will understand that such behavior probably has more to do with your unresolved issues than anything I’ve done and I will wish you well on your journey (conscious or unconscious) to resolve them. I will love you from afar.

What I will not do is carry your burden because you dump it on me. I will not take responsibility for your feelings….only my behavior. I will not be your person of target, scapegoat or whipping girl. I will not tolerate your abuse. My reasons for writing this post on the Farmgirl blog is that I will not tolerate this type of mistreatment in this sisterhood. I will not allow my friends to be treated with disrespect, contempt and aggression. This is a sisterhood. We come together to build each other up, learn from each other, teach each other, help each other and commune with each other the way women are supposed to. With kindness, love, compassion and friendship. Competition, jealousy and aggression are not welcome. If you have these things in your heart and on your mind I hope you can eliminate them because they hurt you too. When you are finally free, please join us. We are waiting for you! For those of you who already understand the power of female friends, I welcome you with open arms into this Farmgirl Sisterhood, into my life and into my heart...perfections, flaws and all! 

 

Farmgirls Have More Fun 2014 Schedule! It is FINALLY here!!

Be sure to join our Meetup group http://www.meetup.com/Farmgirls-Have-More-Fun-Mary-Janes-Farm-Meetup/ and watch us on Facebook too!

Farmgirls take pictures of their farms!

One of my favorite things to do is wander around my farm with a camera around my neck. You never know what you will capture if you follow a chicken around or hang out at the pig pen or spy on the barn cat. What are some of your favorite shots at your farm? These are not all from mine, Tom and I rented a small farm before we bought ours. We were lucky to experience caring for the goats, cows and donkeys the landlord had. Some of these were taken at the farms surrounding ours. As I said, you never know what you'll capture so get out that camera and capture some magic!

Miss Meow...our barn cat turned pet

Our landlord's goats at the rental 

Luna. We named our current farm after her...Terra Della Luna (Field of the Moon)

A mother's love (Courtney and Norman at the rental)

These guys know who feeds them! That's Tom. 

There is a sunflower field across the road from us

These boots line a fence of a farm not far from us

Hannah, my cat. She is no longer with us unfortunately

Hop

An old truck in a pasture down the road

Walking on Water (at a water hole down the road)

Sunflowers are my second favorite flower, Daisies are my favorite

The fence across the road 

Mama Mia, one of our barn cats

Turkey on a hot shingle roof

Cool Chicks

I LOVE my turkeys!!

Chill'in (at the rental)

The gossip bench

Believe it or not, our chickens dominate our cats

Pig Kisses

Farm Girls Get Their Mammograms!

Mammograms and breasts and cancer- oh my! This probably is not a pleasant topic but as responsible women we should talk about it to the point that we are comfortable with it. I had the ahem...pleasure of my first mammogram tonight. Men, be glad you don't have to stand practically naked in front of a stranger who manipulates your parts onto a metal plate then squeeeeezes them flat as a pancake and takes a picture....repeatedly. Let me just put out there that if a woman had designed the machine, it would have been a lot friendlier to the tatas. Afterward I bought myself a new dress. I deserved it for my bravery and for the pain....so there! I can look forward to this procedure and therefore a new dress annually.

But seriously ladies this is important. Breast cancer does not run in my family and hopefully it doesn't in yours either. But I bet you know at least one person who has been affected by it. My family has dealt with other types of cancer. I lost my mother at age 50, she was stage 4 when they diagnosed her with bile duct cancer. I learned about her cancer when I called to wish her Happy Mother's Day in 2005 and by July 1st she was gone. She had two chemotherapy treatments and they were killing her faster than they were killing the cancer so they had to stop. We lost my grandmother to her fourth battle with cancer last summer. I take cancer VERY seriously.

Many (if not all) of my farm girl sisters eat and live the way they do to avoid putting chemicals and hormones in their bodies and those of their families. At least that's one reason. Ladies, you work so hard to protect yourselves, I hope you are not neglecting your screenings. Early detection is the key to beating this thing. That and educating ourselves. We can't tell each other what to do, what to eat, what products to buy or how to live. But we can encourage. Encourage our friends, our mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, daughters, nieces, cousins and coworkers to be knowledgeable, to protect yourselves and to get your yearly mammograms uncomfortable as they may be.

Hey, treat yourself to a new dress when you leave the imaging center. And for those of you yet to reach the age of the big squeeze...it really isn't that bad. At least its not any worse than Paps and I can't speak from experience but I'm pretty sure it doesn't even come close to childbirth. And I'll tell you, it was pretty dang wonderful to look at the pictures of my breasts and not see any large white spots! Of course I don't have my results, but I can honestly say I feel pretty dang good for honoring my body and being responsible!

This has been a public service announcement. : )

South of the Border Spaghetti Squash

This isn't a cooking blog, BUT cooking is part of being a Farmgirl so I'm including it. I don't have exact measurements so you'll have to wing it.

The best part- this will serve 2-4 people. If you serve two it's only got 360 calories. If you serve 4 you are down to 180 per serving. How SWEET is that? And there is zero skimping on ingredients or flavor here!

Can I get a WOOP WOOP?

                                                     
I LOVE squash. All kinds. I never had it as a kid. My mother, bless her, was not a good cook. Her idea of a gourmet meal was spaghetti sauce in those little envelopes that you mix with water. I love you dearly though mom. Anyway the point is I never knew there was a world of lovely pumpkin-gourd-y things to grace your table with. I'm sure there are recipes out there like this (and probably better so look around) but I didn't follow one for dinner tonight. This is my take on a Mexican version of spaghetti squash.

BTW Ladies....I recommend you don't say "spaghetti" when telling your husband what's for dinner if you serve this....trust me it will save you a lengthy debate about whether or not that dry gummy stuff called pasta (YUCK!) should be used instead of the moist, tender, vegetable. Trust me pasta doesn't belong anywhere near this recipe. Just tell him it's South of the Border Squash and save your words for your girlfriends who understand this sort of debate.

Ingredients:
Spaghetti Squash- drizzle with olive oil, salt and pepper. Bake at 350 for about an hour until it easily shreds.

Let your kids scrape this baby with a fork when it comes out of the oven. They'll be begging for it next time!

1lb ground sausage or other meat (I thought sausage sounded good with squash...beef seems too bland)
1 onion chopped
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can diced green chili
1 can black beans drained
Cayenne, Chili Powder and Cumin to taste
Shredded Cheddar Cheese (we used Sharp) & Plain yogurt

I know I know a TRUE Farmgirl wouldn't use store-bought. 

Brown onion in olive oil. Add sausage and brown. Add spices and cook until fragrant. Add the three cans and simmer until warm and bubbly.

Mmmmm.....bubbly!

Spoon meat mix into the squash "boat". Top with cheddar cheese and a dollop of plain yogurt (we don't use sour cream). If you count calories be sure to watch your cheese and yogurt.

And voila. Dinner is served. The ultimate test is when I get a "that was good Baby J" from Tom. And this beauty did. We didn't use all of the meat mixture so into the freezer it goes for something later. I'm a big OAMC kind of girl. More on that topic later!

My 'Farmgirl' Wedding- August 31, 2013

They say that rain on your wedding day is good luck. If that is true then Tom and I are in for some major luck! I spent a year planning my simple, rustic, bee themed, outdoor wedding. Tom's only requirements were it be held on the dock at our house on Black Duck Lake in Orr, MN and that he got to go barefoot (the man hates shoes!). My only requirements were that the shindig was environmentally friendly and handmade as much as possible. I think we accomplished our goal in spite of the rain! I wanted to make my own dress or upcycle one, but didn't have the skill at this point in time. So I scoured eBay and bought 5 count them 5 different dresses. Don't worry, all five only cost $50.....that still qualifies for frugal and environmentally friendly doesn't it? The people at work had a good laugh when every few weeks or so I had a new dress.

Mr. Man....sans shoes! 

The precious girls. I made their dresses out of vintage pillowcases and the babies dress is a vintage infant dress re-worked. Their garlands were made of silk flowers as were the bouquets and instead of flower petals they threw birch bark, a MN staple!

Wyatt gave me away and Gavyn was our sign bearer. I made their vests and hats using patterns....couldn't figure those out on my own. I'm definitely a novice seamstress! 

I did make and design my own jewelry though using things I had lying around. Bee themed of course!

Recycled beer bottles, sunflowers and twine.....does it get any better?

The birch bark girls pails and Gavyn's sign...all handmade true to the Farmgirl creed. 

My pride and joy. The pottery was made by Tom's Aunt Dar who is amazing with a potters wheel (I very much want to take some lessons from her!) and my "cheese" cake. I wanted to make the cheese at home, but it was too difficult and time consuming for a wedding. It's on the bucket list though!

Tom and I both love the Native American culture so we incorporated the wedding vase. You have to each drink from a side without spilling any for long and lucky marriage. We didn't spill a drop! Tom's mother was sweet enough to present the vase for us and we forgot it in the middle of the ceremony. Tom's sister and niece read for us from the Velveteen Rabbit! Two very special components of our day!

I couldn't leave my mom out. She passed away in 2005 from cancer. My wedding was a VERY hard day to have without her! I love you mom!

Dar's pottery which I still have and it's a precious heirloom!

This is my dear friend Allie and fellow Farmgirl. We actually met thanks to Mary Jane's Farm! She was the very first member of my chapter! I love this lady and her two beautiful daughters, Lorelai and Emma.

Tom brewed the beer and I  made the labels. Pigs flying is a reference to his declaration that he would never get married. I guess pigs DO fly! 

The happy couple!

Even our precious babies dressed up for the occasion. I made Korkee's tie out of a vintage men's tie and he had a bee button tie pin. Sasha has a bee on her flower but you can see it very well. 

Look at those trees! Who wouldn't want a wedding outside at a lake rain or shine???

The end....or should I say....beginning?